What to Not Say to Someone with Memory Loss

Navigating conversations with someone experiencing memory loss, whether due to conditions like Alzheimer’s disease, other dementias, or temporary cognitive impairments, requires a blend of compassion, patience, and awareness. 

Memory loss can deeply affect a person’s sense of self and interactions with the world. As friends, family members, or caregivers, the way we communicate with those experiencing memory loss can significantly impact their well-being and our relationship with them. 

Recognizing what not to say is just as important as knowing what to say. Using phrases such as “do you remember?”, “I just told you that.”, “you’re wrong.”, “remember when…”, and “what did you say?” are not productive for someone with memory loss. 

Read along as we explore these phrases together, along with alternatives for enhanced communication with your loved ones.

“Do You Remember?” 

Asking someone who struggles with memory recall if they remember a person, place, or event can lead to anxiety and frustration, emphasizing their difficulties with memory.

Instead, share your memories and stories without expecting them to recall the same details. This approach allows them to engage in the conversation without the pressure of remembering specific facts.

“I Just Told You That.” 

This response can make someone feel ashamed or embarrassed about their memory loss. It’s important to remember that their inability to recall recent information is not within their control. Instead, patiently repeat the information as needed, each time as if it were the first.

“You’re Wrong.” 

Correcting someone with memory loss, especially over trivial details, can cause unnecessary distress. It’s often more beneficial to focus on the emotions behind their words rather than the accuracy of what they’re saying. If the incorrect information isn’t harmful, consider letting it go.

“Remember When…” 

Starting conversations with “remember when” can be confusing and frustrating for someone who may not recall past events. Try framing stories and recollections in a way that doesn’t require their active memory participation. For example, “I was thinking about the time we…” lets you share memories without putting them on the spot. 

Approaching a conversation this way allows your loved one to feel included. Even if they don’t initially remember, they’ll know you shared a wonderful memory.

“What Did You Do Today?” 

Recalling recent events can be challenging for someone with memory loss. This question may assume the person can recall recent events, which can directly confront the challenges they face with short-term memory loss. 

It could remind them of their condition, causing distress or lower self-esteem. Instead, talk about your day or discuss general topics that don’t require them to remember specific activities or events from their day.

Supportive Language to Support Those with Memory Loss

Supporting someone struggling with memory loss involves a delicate balance of empathy, encouragement, and practical assistance. When conversing with them, it’s vital to convey your support in a manner that reinforces their dignity and autonomy.

Saying something like, “I’m here for you, no matter what you remember or forget. Your experiences and feelings are valid and important,” provides emotional support and validates their feelings and experiences, offering a sense of comfort and understanding.

Language & Reassurance

It’s equally important to reassure them they are not facing this challenge alone. Phrases like, “We’ll navigate this together” can offer immense solace. This emphasizes the idea of partnership and collective effort in coping with the challenges posed by memory loss.

Navigating life with memory loss can cause social isolation and feelings of loneliness. Knowing that someone in their life is here to support them through this challenging time may improve their quality of life.  

Encouragement Is Key

Encouragement plays a crucial role as well. Focusing on the present and the positive memories that remain can be very uplifting. Encourage them by saying, “Let’s cherish the moments we have and create new memories together.” This approach helps to shift the focus from what has been lost to what can still be enjoyed and experienced, fostering a positive outlook.

Offering practical support in a respectful and non-patronizing way is crucial. This can include helping them with daily tasks, organizing their environment to make it easier for them to remember things, or even participating in activities that stimulate their memory in a gentle and enjoyable way.

Memory Care in a Supportive Environment

Interacting with a loved one with memory loss requires sensitivity and a shift in communication. Avoiding phrases that highlight their memory challenges can create a more supportive environment that focuses on their comfort and dignity.

By adapting our communication style, we can help our loved ones feel valued, respected, and understood despite the challenges memory loss may bring. For more information on how to support your loved one as they navigate life with memory loss, or to learn more about memory care, please contact Juniper today.